pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
