best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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