how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
