used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
