After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
