2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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