What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
