She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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