i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
