If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
