I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
