i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
