I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
