Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
