If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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