I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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