I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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