Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's get the cat blown out
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
