His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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