Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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