who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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