I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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