I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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