32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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