I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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