I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
