I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
