So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
