his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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