if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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