I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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