Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
