I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.