I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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