at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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