Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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