I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize