Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
