Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
