They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
