HIV tests are more positive than that guy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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