she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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