Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
