Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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