corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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