I'm eating all of the evidence.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
