nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
