the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
