I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
