You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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