So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
