put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
