I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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