Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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