just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
