You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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