Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
