It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
