NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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