If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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