with your own penis?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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