Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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