Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize