Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
