I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
