i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
only if we run a train.
done.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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