Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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