She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
