Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
