she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
