i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
