she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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